on the joys of motherhood, adoption, life in Korea & Japan & small town USA, simplification, homeschooling, sewing, quilting, and much more........
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We begin our homeschooling each morning with journal writing.
Little man has decided to write his journal entries in the style of a chapter book (his spelling left intact):
Feb. 13 ~ Feb. 14: Chapter 1: The plane
As I boarderd the plane I felt a weird feeling of sorrow and excitment.
sorrow for my friends and excitment because I havn't ridden on a plane in a long time. So as I walked in that small plane, I found my seat and made myself comforble.
I then heard the engine roar, and the next thing I new I was in mid air next to my younger sister Susanna....
Thanks to a friend's post on facebook, we started oil pulling just over a week ago, and are amazed at the results.
Our teeth have whitened considerably and are shiny and bright, like we just went to the dentist and got a cleaning. My sinuses, which always bother me, drained for the first three days I did the oil pulling, and are much clearer now. Brock's skin has cleared up an dlooks more healthy. Our 12 year old has had terrible problems with plaque. Even with brushing and flossing 3x a day, her teeth have perpetually had plaquey build up and discoloration. We have asked dentists about it, and have been told there is nothing we can do - some people just make more plaque than others. Now we know there IS something we can do. Her teeth are remarkably, almost miraculously different. They are staying SO MUCH cleaner, and look shiny throughout the day. She fought us about doing at first, but then later admitted that she had been praying for help with her teeth, and this seems to be the answer.
There are more helpful and informative articles on the internet about oil pulling than you could ever need. Here are two of them:
I am always searching for yummy healthy recipes. But I happened across this one because I was looking for a hot fudge sauce with ingredients we have on hand, or could easily get here in Korea. It was a long search on Pinterest, but I came up with this recipe. Our Bishop and his wife were coming to visit our home and I had planned to serve them hot fudge sundaes/banana splits, but then realized that I didn't have and couldn't get the ingredients for my favorite go-to hot fudge sauce, and I was out of time.
I was a little nervous about this recipe - melting the chocolate chips into water? Would that really work? It didn't seem like it would. But it did, and it was so yummy! It only requires four ingredients - chocolate chips, water, coconut oil (only 1/2 tsp) and milk (only 1 Tbs). I used sour cream in place of the milk. It is only a Tablespoon, and I thought a little creaminess sounded good. It was VERY good. And much richer and prettier looking than this photo from the blog I found it on.
Every other recipe I looked at called for one or more of the following ingerdients in large amounts - corn syrup (no please!), heavy cream, sweetened condensed milk, powdered sugar, evaporated milk.
Every day I am reading more about Tourette's, and gaining great understanding of my boy, and myself, and our family dynamics.
It is healing and painful and enlightening and humbling and liberating and frustrating.
I am realizing how much self control our little guy actually has. And how much patience he has had with us and our impatience.
:Waiting to play his violin with the Nauvoo Community Orchestra in his first performance - you can see in his face how he is struggling & focusing so he can hold still:
We have been very confused and frustrated over the years about the issue of why he can hold still in school and church, but not at home. We have honestly never had a family prayer, scripture study, family home evening, or even a conversation that hasn't been interrupted (usually repeatedly) by him, since he came to us at 4 days old. But as I shared in my first post about Tourette's, he can hold still and not interrupt in church and school. We have asked him over and over in exasperation why he can't do it for us at home. And now we have an answer. "When a child with Tourette Syndrome is trying to suppress several tics during the day, say at school for example, he will be using up a lot of energy and this becomes exhasuting for him. This will build up to a feeling of frustration......and the tics and pent up energy will need to be released when he gets home."....Tics and Tourette Sundrome: A Handbook For Parents and Professionals
I read years and years ago that it is a good sign when children act up home, because it means that is where they feel safe, and it is the same with Tourette's - he can't suppress the tics and urges and energy all the time, and he feels safe to do it at home. So that is good. But I feel so guilty that I haven't understood it until now.
The book I referenced above also says, "It is a sad but realistic thought that every day there will be a chid with a tic disorder in a classroom somewhere who will be reprimanded for his tics. It is not uncommon to hear about children given detentions or extra homework because the teacher assumes the tics are done deliverately to annoy him/her". Thankfully, I am not aware of this happening to our son. He has been blessed with very good teachers. And I think he has also worked hard to suppress the tics at school. I am so grateful for the wonderful teachers he has had at school and church. I just wish I could also say that I haven't reprimanded him for his tics. But I am coming to realize how much I have reprimanded, scolded, reminded, pleaded, and even lost my temper & yelled over things that he probably had little or no control over - like touching every single thing he passes in the grocery store aisle (which happened again yesterday, and I started to scold him, just like I always have) . It is very humbling and heartbreaking. And somehow he still loves me sweetly and patiently.
I have learned again and again that our children offer us every opportunity to overcome our weaknesses, if we will be open to learning those lessons. It is difficult and painful. One of my great weaknesses is that I am easily overstimulated. And so living with the constant movement, noise, confusion, and chaos has brought out the very worst in me. I have felt completely frayed and frazzled for almost 10 years. But I also have the opportunity to let this situation make me into a better person than I could ever otherwise be. I am continually faced with opportunities to be kind and patient and understanding in spite of feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. Probably every child offers this to every parent. But for me and my boy, the scale of this offering is enormous.
I love my boy more than I can express, and am so grateful that we get to journey this life together.
We had a surprise delivery today ~ two large boxes from our Natasha. She sent us her winter missionary clothes to keep for her until next winter, and also sent some fun letters, Korean study helps, and this lovely Hanbok set for Susanna Grace. I love traditional Korean clothes - so feminine and colorful.
Once a month, our stake (a group of congregations) charters a large bus for the two hour trip to visit the Temple in Seoul. On March 8th we waked 20 minutes in the early morning darkness to catch the bus at 6:00 am. At 8:15 or so we arrived in Seoul, where our Natasha is serving as a missionary.
The Seoul Temple is so lovely. We have loved it since October of 2000 when we first saw it during a 24 hour layover in Seoul on our way to Beijing. The landscaping is beautifully Asian, and so is the interior of the temple.
We can't wait to see it again when the trees have leaved out and the undulating waves of shrubs have become green and vibrant.
A feeling of peace, love, and serenity fills the temple and it's grounds.
Natasha visits the temple about once a month as a missionary, and it was fun to feel closer to her while we were there.
:Natasha and Sister Kim at the Seoul Temple in November. Sister Kim's family is in our ward (church congregation) here in Daejeon!:
After our session at the temple, we had time to walk around the city.
:notice the words on the window, the cakes on display inside, and the traffic reflected in the window - I love Asia:
Journal entries and facebook status posts during our first days in Korea.
Feb. 15th
Watching the Olympics on Korean television, which our children are learning means watching the events that have strong Korean competitors, with commentary in Korean. They are still loving it, especially the commercials.
Feb 16th
It's 3:55 am, and we're all awake ~ the joys of jet lag.
Feb 18th
We have finally learned how to sort our garbage properly in ~ vinyl, plastic, glass, styrofoam, metal, cardboard, food, and everything else. We got to sort through 3 days of garbage once we finally learned - so fun. We have also attended church, taken a taxi to and from the bus terminal successfully, learned how to use our washing machine, rice cooker, thermostat, and water heater, taken exploratory walks, applied for our foreigner registration, and met interesting people from all over the world - Kazakhstan, India, etc. And we've eaten lots of yummy Asian food that we've been missing - the Korean versions of onigiri, sushi, inarizushi, mochi, dim sum, mikans, miso, etc.
:A "garbage" truck, taking away styrofoam to be recycled:
As unfamiliar and confusing as many things in Korea are, it is almost like coming home when we go to the grocery store. So many beloved favorite foods that we've been missing from Japan ~ kaki (persimmons), mikans (fresh mandarin oranges), ichigo (Japanese strawberries that are somehow always so much more beautiful and tastier than in the U.S.), asian bok choy, fresh crisp bean sprouts, burdock root, so many yummy varieties of mushrooms, Oh! and kabocha! (Japanese squash, and the best squash in the world). And so many other things that are in the Japanese style and so much better than in the U.S. ~ the yogurt (to die for), the mayonnaise, the yogurt drinks, and all the yummy snacks and candies ~ a little bit of heaven.
Feb 21st
Yesterday a new friend we made at church took us to Costco. That was the best. And then his Korean wife helped us order the additional furniture we need online through a clearance site. Such a relief! Can't wait to have a sofa to sit on, a table we can all sit at, and beds for the kids. We've also had a 3 hour tour of Daejeon (the city where we live)- offered to us through the University. We are surrounded by mountains, which virtually all cities in Korea are, and they are promising to be gorgeous spring through fall. The kids have made some great friends at the playground in our apartment complex. Today we had our first full day of homeschool, and it went really well...... Tonight it will be a week since we arrived. Time goes so fast.
:Our kids on the playground with friends. We've been blessed that they have made friends quickly and easily:
I am in our apartment, watching the kids play on the playground, via our TV screen, which is linked to security cameras, and shows the playground and surrounding areas from several different angles. We just stumbled across this on our TV when we were looking at channels. Korea is very high tech in surprising ways.
Feb 24th
I am so grateful to be done running our home business, so that I can focus my time and energies on homeschooling our kids, and just enjoying them. I'm also grateful for our new simple lifestyle overseas that makes these same blessings even richer."
Feb 27th
I just made ddeokbokki (rice cakes in spicy sauce)! I'm trying to cook Korean/Asian as much as possible while we are here. It's yummy, healthy, and much more fun than focusing on the American foods that we can't get here. Thanks to the internet in general, and Pinterest specifically, I can find Korean & Asian recipes written for Americans - something I couldn't do when we first moved to Japan 18.5 years ago. (Just one way that the internet has made living overseas much easier.)
I left out the fish cakes, because they aren't my favorite. I don't know how a Korean would feel about my attempt, but we think it's yummy!"
March 3rd
Making kimchi.
:We love kimchi, and were making it in the U.S before we came to Korea. I expected to buy it here, in the land of kimchi, but quickly discovered that it was looked down upon. Homemade is healthiest and tastes best. This is our favorite recipe.
March 4th
Just put my three little ones on a bus/van to go to their first day of Hapkido martial arts. The van picks them up and drops them off, 5 days a week. They learn tumbling, tae kwon do, judo, weapons like nunchakus & swords, yoga, meditation, and the list goes on and on. I'm excited for them, and miss them already.....
And I'm feeling badly for their friends that are expecting them to play on the playground today. They were confused to see them drive away. It's so hard not to have enough language skills to explain it all.
March 5th
The dresser for Mia & Susie finally arrived this morning, so we are officially unpacked from our suitcases now. And our sofa finally arrived on Saturday, so we have a comfy place to sit. Life is good.
1. Korean doesn't have an F sound, so they replace it with a P sound when saying foreign words. That makes fudge 퍼지 (peoji) in Korean, which is pronounced just like the English word Pudgy. We discovered this by reading the wrappers of our chocolate fudge ice cream bars last night. Fudge = Pudgy. This is truth.
2. Korean homes are, and always have been, heated from under the flooring. This is genius. Why hasn't it caught on in the west, and well, everywhere?
3. Korean girls are required to bob their hair to jaw length during Jr. High. They can grow it out to shoulder length in high school (Japan used to have strict hair rules like this too, but most schools in Japan seem to have relaxed about it). This explains why people act surprised and confused when they find out Mia's age. But it doesn't make her want to bob her hair.
4. Mia looks very Korean with her high broad cheek bones, and when people realize that I can't understand them, they start talking to her, and are confused when she can't understand them either. But I have been informed that her eyes look very Japanese. This is fascinating to me. I hadn't noticed that there was a Japanese or Korean eye shape, but I'm starting to see it now. Noah on the other hand, just looks very Japanese.
5. Hangeul, the Korean alphabet is considered the most logical writing system in the world. It was created by a Korean Emperor in 1446, and there is a national holiday to celebrate it's creation every year. We agree, it is very logical and simple. The only trouble for us is that several of it's letters look like Japanese characters that make different sounds. It's hard to get past that, but we are having fun doing it.
6. "In Korea, everyone is 1 from the time they are born. And everyone gets a year older on New Year’s day. So your Korean age is always either one or two years older than your Western age. And yes, a baby born on New Year’s Eve can be two years old the next day, although in practice people wait awhile before they start talking about somebody’s Korean age.
Working out your Korean age can be tricky. Even more so because Koreans frequently go by the Lunar (Chinese) New Year. And that is when your head starts to hurt."
This is very exciting for our kids who are now 14 rather than 12, 11 rather than 9, and 8 rather than 6......not quite as exciting for the parents
I was expecting to focus mainly on our experiences in Korea as I've starting blogging again. But it turns out that I have an additional reason to blog. We have discovered that our precious boy has Tourette's Syndrome.
We don't have an official diagnosis, so it may seem hasty to make such a pronouncement. But a diagnosis is extremely difficult to get. Most doctors haven't really learned about Tourette's in medical school, and there are not definitive tests that give you a positive diagnosis. And now that we are in Korea, it would be much more difficult to get a diagnosis. But after repeatedly feeling strong impressions to research Tourette's, we have found that it explains everything that this little man has struggled with, seemingly from birth.
Because of media representations, most people think of someone shouting obsenities when they think of Tourette's but that only happens in the rarest of cases. The onset is in childhood, and it is almost always accompanied by other challenges like ADHD and OCD.
Tourette's explains the entire list of things that our little guy (and consequently we too) has/have struggled with, including:
severe sleep problems, including sleep walking
extreme, debilitating anxiety
lack of impulse control
difficulty with fine motor skills
obsessive thinking
repetitive behaviors
facial and vocal tics that are increasing in severity
inability to hold still
the need to touch things
irresistable urges
constant (and I do meant constant) question asking
and the list goes on......
The tics have been going on for years now, and seem to be continuing to worsen - eye blinking, grimacing, shoulder shrugging, neck twitching, etc. With Tourette's they generally worsen until puberty, and then usually start to decrease. At first I didn't think he had vocal tics (which are a basic part of a Tourette's diagnosis), but after researching, I realized that he did. Repetitive throat clearing, sniffing, and similar patterns fall under vocal tics.
Our boy is so sweet and good and extremely intelligent and talented. As we've tried to talk to others about our concerns and struggles, we have almost always received responses along the line of something like this - he is a wonderful boy, and we must be blowing things out of proportion, OR we just don't have realistic expectations of a boy (he has 4 sister and no brothers), OR that we are causing his problems by putting too much pressure on him or treating him like a girl, OR that we are just a little crazy.
One reason for this is that people with Tourette's can control their problem behavior at least somewhat when they are in public. But eventually they have to let it go. (One way to understand this is to compare it to blinking. You may be able to aviod blinking for a while, but eventually you have to give in and blink). And so he has been fairly good at forcing himself to hold still in public - church and school settings, but that causes additional pent up energies and urges that then get acted out at home. So unless you live with him, you don't get a realistic idea of what he/we is/are facing. We once had someone in our home who was shocked by his behavior (and disgusted that we weren't controllig it better). He was literally bouncing off of walls and ceilings. We tried to explain that he was always this way at home. She gave us a disapproving look and said sternly, he isn't that way in primary (our church program for children). At the time, it really caused me to question myself, and I would stand at the door and watch him in primary. He was indeed able to hold still. Why not at home? What did it mean? What were we doing wrong?
As time has gone on, school has become increasingly difficult for him. He has gone from being a straight A student in the gifted and talented programs to consistently bringing home D's and F's. It has been becoming more and more difficult for him to hold still and focus at school. And that has been making him feel badly about himself. So the homeschooling that we are doing in Korea has come at just the right time. I had felt that confirmed to me even before we realized that we were dealing with Tourette's.
We have known that something was different for him since he was a baby. We could tell he was very intelligent, and a remarkable child (and an unbelievably cute one). But something was different. He had jerky repetitive behaviors even as a small baby. And extreme, heart-breaking anxiety no matter what we did to make him feel secure and loved.
He is truly such a good boy, and never wants to disobey or do anything wrong. And when he does, through lack of impulse control or through uncontrolable urges, he is confused and feels so badly about himself. Poor little man.
And of course we feel badly about all the times that we have been impatient - the times that we have scolded him or punished him or raised our voices at him for doing something that he probably couldn't control. And then there are all the times I've asked him in an exasperated voice to STOP clearing his throat or blinking his eyes, or saying the same thing over and over again.
But it does feel good to have a reason for what has been going on, and to be able to find some answers about what we can do.
One book I have been reading had this simple statement:
"Looking after a child with Tourette's Syndrom can be extremely exhausting".
Those few words were so validating. We have been so exhausted for almost 10 years now, and not able to figure out exactly why. We have felt badly about ourselves. We have blamed him. And then we have felt even worse about ourselves for blaming him. He is the son we prayed for and hoped for and dreamed of. We do love him so and are so grateful for him, but we are almost always so tired - especially during his first 3 years when he rarely slept for longer than 30 minutes at a time, day or night. The book then went on to talk about the stress it puts on a marriage and on siblings. Yes, we've all felt that too.
But I am finding peace, and a renewed energy to do whatever we can to help him. And I'll share what we learn on our journey.
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