the miracle of infertility

i am touched and inspired by this posting on kelly's blog. i love her style of expressing herself, sweet & powerful.

infertility is a topic very close to my heart, and i can't resist posting about it too. i am grateful for infertility, 14 years of it in our case, and here is why:

i wouldn't have these two miracles in my life without experiencing infertility, and i wouldn't have felt the sheer joy these miracles brought. nothing else in my life has compared to that feeling - having a most fervent prayer answered so miraculously.  in mia's birth announcement email, i said something about her being a "miracle". someone, i believe it was brock's aunt, replied that "every baby is a miracle". i was caught somewhat off-guard by that statement at the time, because i was so swept away by the mircale of our adoption in japan, but have thought about it frequently since. and i know that she was right. every baby is a miracle. and infertility is the reason that i feel the truth of that statement so deeply.

another miracle that was brought into my life by infertility is that when i unexpectedly found myself pregnant after 14 years, i felt so very differently about it than i had before. i treasured every minute, and didn't mind the 9 months of nausea, the fatigue, the violent vomiting, the intense heartburn, etc. i just felt grateful. and i didn't allow myself to feel pressured to do "everything" like i did during my first two pregnancies. i put my own and my baby's physical and emotional health first, and my family a close second, and did very little else, and i enjoyed it, instead of feeling guilty. being able to have that attitude was a miracle for me. being able to feel that pregnancy and caring for babies were a priveledge and not ever a burden was a miracle. it's not that i didn't enjoy my first two babies, and think that they were the two most amazing things that had ever happened. it's just that i had a new level of understanding after infertility.

the miracle is that i learned what erma bombeck expressed in "if i had my life to live over":

"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every
moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only
chance in life to assist God in a miracle."(i personally would say the best chance, not the only)
"When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now
go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's',
More 'I'm sorry's.' "

(thank you melanie)