adoption......a miracle of an option

april 2005

brock and i both had impressions when we were just children that we would adopt children some day. we discovered that we had both felt this way when we were very newly married, and decided that it must mean that we would have fertility challenges, and adopt our children. we talked a lot about adoption and how we would do it, where we wanted to adopt from, etc.  and things turned out both differently, and the same as we predicted. lexi showed up 3 weeks after our second anniversary, and natasha arrived just 16 months and 6 days later, giving us 2 children in 3 years and 5 months. suddenly it seemed that we would be one of those couples that couldn't stop having babies. but, as mentioned in a previous post, at that point we realized that we needed to have a break from pregnancy while i regained my health. in fact, brock thought we should just adopt the rest of our children after experiencing my first two pregnancies, but i wanted to try at least one more pregnancy. so we waited for 4 1/2 years.....and then waited some more....and then waited some more....and went to doctor for help.....and waited some more.

at this point, we started thinking seriously about adoption again. we looked into japan, but were told by an agency that since we had two children, weren't japanese, and i was still in my 20's they couldn't see any reason to give us a baby. we looked into russia, and registered with an adoption agency to help us adopt there. but the new putin presidency had just gone in, and lots of changes were being made in adoption law in russia, which was making everything more difficult. so we switched to vietnam. we had a long debate between vietnam and china, but chose vietnam, because we already had two girls, and it was possible to get a boy from vietnam....not that we only wanted a boy, but it was nice to leave the option open. i could write so much about this time in our life, and i think that no matter how much i wrote, it would be insufficient to cover all the feelings, prayers, impressions, and deep emotions that we experienced. things didn't go well with our case worker as we were working on vietnam. maybe we were just too impatient, but after weeks of waiting daily for a promised fax that was never sent, i was emotionally frazzled. then brock saw an email being sent through our church leadership about a japanese doctor looking for a family to adopt a baby. we replied immediately, but the email was a week old, and the baby had been placed.

to make a very long story not quite so long, after many miracles involving convincing this wonderful doctor that giving a baby to an american family wouldn't be so strange, and being placed on his list ahead of many other waiting couples, we had mia in our arms a little more than four months later. i cannot express the pure joy and delight we experienced at this time....the almost perfect felicity....it was magical. it is a blessing to have to wait and yearn for something before you get it....because it is so much sweeter when it finally arrives. it was almost too good to be true. lexi was 9 and tashi was 8, and they were perfect big sisters.

again, there is so much i could write - the stresses and fears involved with closing the adoption, and even more, getting mia her U.S. immigrant visa. this could fill volumes. we planned to move back to the U.S. as soon as we had her visa, we had already spent almost 7 years in japan, much longer than expected. but in the month before she was granted a visa, we had a series of very interesting experiences that left us with the undeniable impression that there was another baby for us in japan. with much trepidation, we called our dear doctor back. how could we have the audacity to ask for another baby when we had the miracle of three beautiful daughters, and so many couples were still waiting for their first baby? but we summoned the gall to make the call, and told him that if there was ever a baby that no one else wanted because of disabilities, or any other reason, to please call us. he laughed at us, and put us back on his list, telling us that we would get a boy. i had expected mia to be a boy, because i had very strong impressions that i would have a japanese son. i was so surprised when we received a phone call about a three day old baby girl, and yet i knew at the time, it was right.

a year and a half after that phone call, we had noah. i often ask myself why i have been so blessed to be able to adopt, and not only to adopt, but to adopt AND to give birth. i wouldn't want to have missed out on either experience. so many people don't even experience on of these miracles, and much fewer experience both. i am immeasurably grateful.

september 2004

november 2004

february 2006

another thought......pregnancy after adoption. when mia was a baby, many friends and acquaintances told me that i would be getting pregnant soon. it seems that everyone knows someone who couldn't get pregnant, and so adopted, and then suddenly and unexpectedly found themselves pregnant. "it's because you relax about getting pregnant." everyone wisely told me. well, now i have suddenly and unexpectedly found myself pregnant, but i would like to share a few feelings about this phenomena..........

i have always felt, when hearing these types of pregnancy after adoption stories, even before i was old enough to get pregnant or adopt, that there is another reason that this happens (not just the relaxing about getting pregnant reason). i have always believed that it is because adoption was meant to be part of the life of the couple that couldn't conceive, that there was a child that could only come into their life through adoption. and if they were busily getting pregnant, they wouldn't be making room for that adopted child in their life. once that child, or in our case, children, have found their way into the family, then there is room for a pregnancy. of course, not everyone who adopts finds themselves pregnant after wards, but for those that do, this is my explanation.

Comments

[Nat]

I completely agree.

[Brock]

Either way it is better to have children so othat we could pass through sorrow, that we might know the bitter from the sweet.