Hearts Full of Joy

feeling fit

i am in a fitness groove. hopefully moving won't throw off this groove. i had my third ballet class today, and have two more this week - loving it! and i am also loving, in approximately this order:

 1. jogging with lexi & tashi - so much funner than doing it alone!

2. the new york city ballet workout. if you can't find a ballet class, this is the next best thing.

3.tamilee web: i want that body - two different 15 mintue workouts each for abs, buns, and arms

4. best of tamilee web - again, great workouts for abs, buns, and arms. this is a brand new one, and i'm enjoying it because i have done #3 so many times and needed something new.

5. island girl hula cardio dance workout - when you want the beach, but can't be there. tashi & i enjoy doing this one together.

i also have a belly dancing workout that i want to try, but haven't yet.

it feels so amazing to be getting into better shape. gracie is a year old, and i suddenly have a lot more energy a year after giving birth. my pregnancies are so rough on me, it takes a long time for me to bounce back. a year from now, i'll be feeling so much better than i am now. i did that for seven years after tashi was born. every year i would say, "i feel so much better than i did a year ago, i had forgotten that i had ever felt this good." honestly. today, as i was running kids all over, i had a flashback to how much energy it takes for me to do something like fastening my seatbelt when i am pregnant. i throw up the ENTIRE time, and with gracie i would break all the blood vessels in my face from voilent vomiting about once a week. i also threaten pre-term labor, so have bed rest, and i am so low energy i can barely move. but i'm not complaining, the results (yummy babies) are completely worth it. and i would love to be pregnant again. honestly. (so yes, adoption was a great option for me, since i LOVE babies and children, and i got two delicious bonus babies, pregnancy-free)

my "saving grace"

first off, i find it enjoyable, and recommend to all, to have a baby with a name that is also a word, and can be used in so many fun ways. my new niece, baby joy's, parents will discover this.

gracie truly is my "saving grace". her pregnancy came at a time that i had all but given up on it. and i didn't have the stamina for it. my health wasn't good - physically or emotionally, and i was really struggling to keep up with my four kids. really struggling. we had in international move planned, and baby was due right when we had planned it, and right after my parents were planning to be on an international service mission for 18 months - so this would be another time that i couldn't have my mom's help. i hadn't slept through the night for nearly 2 1/2 years because of noah's sleep troubles. and brock had just decided to strike out on his own and start his own business in japan - very brave because we may have lost the lease on our home, and our japanese visas, without an employer to back us up.

in spite of all this, i was grateful to be pregnant, after all, it was an answer to over 9 years of fervent prayer. and although i have severe sickness throughout pregnancy, and threaten pre-term labor, i found myself very blessed. i discovered that so many things that i thought were requirements for life, are actually very dispensable, as i rearranged my priorities and let many, many things go. i had spent 14 years regretting that i hadn't relaxed and enjoyed my previous pregnancies more instead of stressing myself out feeling guilty that i couldn't accomplish as much, or more,  as i did when i wasn't pregnant. i was determined not to make that mistake again. and in fact, i didn't have the energy to make that mistake again. so i slowed down to a snail's pace and savored each moment.

i thought that baby noah had taught me to let go of things (sleep, schedules, timeliness, anything valuable & breakable, etc) but i learned the lesson on a much deeper level during gracie's pregnancy.

i learned how much my husband and children can step up to the bat when they need to, and how the things they don't take care of take care of themselves or fade away into oblivion.

i learned how much more i enjoyed my children (and they enjoyed me) when i slowed down and spent the day on the couch where they could climb on my lap or sit and talk with me whenever they felt like it.

i learned how much joy could be found in life by sitting still and savoring the moment. i learned to be at peace with imperfection, messes, and not having things the way i wanted or planned. and most importantly, i learned to hand everything over to the lord and trust him completely. i am so grateful for that.

brock did have to postpone his business plans, but his business worked out just fine, probably better. our international move worked out better than we could have hoped. and the pregnancy worked out perfectly, with a healthy baby born right on schedule. and my mom was there, because their mission was unexpectedly postponed. gracie even made the international move easier because i focused on keeping her safe during the pregnancy, instead of rushing around japan doing every last minute thing i was afraid i would regret not having done. i didn't over-analyze the move or create unrealistic expectations. i didn't have a tough adjustment back to american life, because i took it slow and easy, and just enjoyed the miracle of my new baby.

as i made it through the first few weeks of the post partum period, i began to realize that some of my heath problems previous to the pregnancy were now gone, and i was 10 pounds lighter than before the pregnancy. and i found that after gracie arrived, my life was actually easier with 5 kids than it had been with 4. some of this is due to having a yard for noah, a simpler lifestyle, family  living in the same state, brock working at home, but ALL of it is because of blessings from the lord. blessings that i know i don't deserve. blessings that are too great to count. blessings that bring me joy.

this is the miracle of a new baby, a new life, a new member of our family.

a brain gain

scientists tell us that during pregnancy, the brain shrinks by a significant percentage and doesn't return to it's normal size until 6 months or so after delivery. it's now been 6 months since i gave birth, and it is with great joy that i report that i can feel my brain regaining some of its previous abilities. i know i won't have full cranial function until after i am done nursing, and maybe not even then. but i am still finding myself better able to remember things, to organize, to have (moments of) clarity of thought, to think deeply, to analyze, to pay attention, to take more in. i didn't notice this much of a change in my brain function with my previous pregnancies. maybe because i was so much younger, maybe because science hadn't told me about it yet.......but this time the change has been pronounced.

a friend, who is a principle of a middle school recently informed me that science has also recently discovered that the brain of 12 to 14 year olds shrinks just as a pregnant brain does. these adolescents are going through so much growth and hormone surges (just like the baby during pregnancy) that the brain shrinks to allow nutrients and energy to flow elsewhere. THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! it explains the many times i have been perplexed by my dear teenagers' behavior, thinking "i know they are smarter than this!" and because i have been undergoing my own brain shrinkage, i can empathize and understand what it has been like for them.

the very good news about this scientific information is that the three of us actually ARE smarter than we have been acting! what a relief!

i've been tagged

i've been tagged by gloria and lexi, and so here goes.

10 years ago:

we had recently moved back after almost 2 years in japan, and were enjoying sharing the joys of autumn and its holidays with family. we had been gone for 6 years, 4 years in phoenix for grad school (starting when lexi was a newborn), and then japan. i was turning 27. lexi was turning 6, and tashi would soon be 5. we were hoping for another pregnancy (who knew that it would be antoher 9 years before that happened). little did we know then, but we would soon be returning to japan. brock (i'm leaving his age out to be kind, but if you must know, he is 5 years older than me) had his own business, and like now was working at home. life was simple and very good.

photos of our halloween party with brock's family, trick or treating with neighbors, dressing up our little princesses, and carving pumpkins with our black cat mimi - she adopted us just like our current black cats.

5 years ago:

i was turning 32. lexi was turning 11. tashi would soon be 10, mia was 18 months, and oh so cute! we were preparing for a life-changing move from sezokuike, ota-ku tokyo and our english ward and american friends to maihama, urayasu-shi, chiba-ken and a japanese ward. we had just asked the samejimas if we had any chance of adopting another baby through them, and were overjoyed to hear yes. we were moving to get a bigger house for another baby, and although we didn't know it then, to have lots of wonderful and lots of very challenging experiences. i took a fabulous four day trip with three wonderful friends to hong kong just before we moved. brock had to practically force me to go, and then i loved it and was so glad.

first layout: a the hong kong bird market with friends - noah plus our recent move have completely destroyed the beautiful bird cage i bought that day.

second layout: dimsum, our taxi driver, the antique furniture i bought, and an autumn festival. 

look at that precious mia! and lexi had so much fun with her 11th birthday.

mia the ladybug at our halloween party and photos with wonderful friends from our english ward at our sayonara party as we moved.

our empty house as we were moving in, lexi and tashi trick or treating, and enjoying the park on tokyo bay by our new home on a sunday afternoon.

1 year ago:

i was turning 36, and had just discovered that i was pregnant after 14 years of infertility. i was shocked, thrilled, tired, and nauseated. i was realizing that i would have to slow down the pace of my antique quilt business. i was also planning a trip to visit family with mia and noah, and to let them experience halloween and thanksgiving in the u.s. brock was on his way to the u.s. for business, and lexi and tashi had been in the u.s. during the summer. getting mia to school every day with all her required gear was one of my major adventures at the time.

mia's ninja dance at her sports day at yochien (japanese kindergarten)

vintage grandmother's flower garden quilt i was selling

noah at the 'traffic park'

  lexi, tashi, and friends at lexi's sleepover birthday party

1 day ago:

i posted twice on this blog, savored conference, enjoyed the snow, made cookies with mia and noah and didn't eat any myself (being good), made yummy banana blueberry bread with bananas that needed to be used, got cranky with my kids, got over it, picked out paint for the remodel of our house (the one on captol hill that my great grandfather built, and that we are anxious to get finished so that we can get renters in it again.... we are startiong a project of restoring it to it's 1940s beauty while updating a few necessary things), grocery shopped, finished two embroidery and an applique project during conference, helped natasha's friends abduct her, chatted with some of lexi's friends and watched some of their video creations (they make mini movies), cuddled lots and lots with gracie, and had good down time with brock (even though it was interrupted by abducting and chatty teenagers), readh my scriptures, and read a little in a library book i am enjoying.

silly kitties and pumpkins at our door yesterday.

mia's quotable quote

mia is full of quotable quotes. here is one of her all-time-best, from yesterday....

"mom, you did a good job making gracie........how did you know how to make her so good?"

mia & gracie, may 29th, 2 1/2 days old

weighty matters

gracie-cakes, 3 1/2 days old

as mentioned in an earlier posting, japanese doctors only allow their ob patients to gain a maximum of 8 kg (about 18 pounds) during pregnancy, and can be very mean to the poor pregnant women about it. when i had gained about 15 pounds at 30 weeks, i informed my doctor and his nurses that "things are different in america", and i would definitely be gaining more than the magic 8 kg. but strangely enough, as the pregnancy progressed, the highest my weight gain reached was exactly 18 pounds, and towards the end, i lost down to 16 pounds. how weird is that? I wasn't trying to control my weight at all. i don't know how it happened. it must have been all those meadow gold twin pops i ate towards the end of pregnancy (so there, mom & brock! :) ) with my first two pregnancies, my weight gain was in the mid twenties, and i had difficulty taking it off. all i can figure is that japan rubbed off on me and left it's mark. now i have lost 25 pounds, so i am almost 10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. this is a very happy thing, because my pre-pregnancy weight was too high, and i still need to lose more. but i am very grateful......thank you japan!

susanna grace

gracie, 26 hours old

susanna grace, our little miracle, is here. she arrived at 6:14 pm on saturday, may 26, 2007.

she is so yummy and cozy, and absolutely perfect in every way. so sweet, and so much more fun than i even expected.

here is gracie's birth story...
I started early labor on sunday the 20th, and had continual contractions, 3 minutes apart throughout the week, with every sign of impending birth except my water breaking. hard contractions started Saturday morning at 3:00, and we went to the hospital at 8:00. i nearly made it natural, which was my plan, and would have except for a complication at the end. After 11 hours of HARD labor, I got stuck at a 9.5, with just a little "lip" left to dilate. 2 1/2 hours later, the little lip had just swollen terribly instead of moving out of the way, and they started talking c-section. After a lot of prayer, and my doctor consulting with another doctor, we all agreed to try an epidural and see if it relaxed my pelvis enough that the doctor could move the swelling out of the way. i was the last to agree with the epidural plan, because the on-call anesthesiologist was 45 minutes away, and i couldn't bear to think that would be no resolution until then. but that was the impression everyone else had in answer to prayer, and as things were getting worse by the minute, i agreed. the epidural didn't completely take the pain away, but enough to allow my doctor to start to move the swelling out of the way. with lots of perseverance on the part of my doctor (he was great!) and another hour and half of pushing, because of all the swelling, she arrived safely, and we are so grateful. i feel happy about the outcome, because i know i could have done it if it hadn't been for the complication. my mom, who also taught natural childbirth, got me through the end when brock was exhausted and didn't know what else to do. she actually had the same complication when she had my youngest sister at my age. but she didn't have anyone to help her through it, except for my dad who started vomiting and had to lay down (yes, he is a doctor). i was very blessed with great nurses and doctors and support. lexi and tashi were there for the birth, which was a real learning experience for them. I can't help but wonder how this would have played out if I had given birth in japan......????

little gracie is just perfectly perfect and in every way wonderful. brock has been heroic with helping out
and protecting me, and everything has gone really well. i am so grateful for and humbled by the blessing
of having her come. such a miracle.

today

today i am 34 weeks into my pregnancy, 6 more to go.

today noah turns 3. we had a little party for him this morning and packed up most of his presents to go with us on the airplane.

today we are getting on the airplane, leaving brock and lexi behind for a few weeks, leaving japan behind for much longer than that, and re-entering american life.

my pregnancy and baby have been mostly ignored for the last few weeks, during the moving madness. it will be nice to settle down and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.

a pile of projects

i'm currently working on a pile of projects, and loving it! are these all the projects that i currently have under construction? no. but they are the ones i'm most excited about. i know it would drive many people crazy to be working on so many things at one, but i love it. when i'm a little bored or creatively stumped with one project, i simply move to another.

left to right, they are: the baby quilt, strips of "i spy" quilts for mia (red triangles) and noah's (black triangles) birthdays - noah just can't get enough of "i spy" books, and so this seemed like the perfect quilt for him, and after cutting out close to 300 hexagons for his quilt, i couldn't resist cutting out another 300 or so in cute girlie prints for mia, a spring applique project inspired by an 1800s "whig rose" quilt - just because it's spring, and a "goose in the pond" quilt that is made from circa 1880s quilt blocks that i rescued from a quilt top that had been poorly put together and sashed with 1920s pink gingham - i replaced the gingham sashing with reproduction prints from the 1800s era and am now enjoying leisurely hand quilting it in a "baptist fan" pattern. whew! that has got to be an illegal sentence.

after taking the above photo, i realized that i had left out another favorite project, a "birds in flight" quilt made from early 1800s reproduction fabrics.

and today, my shipment of cozy cotton batting from the u.s. (I can't buy it sizes bigger than tiny wall size here in japan) arrived today, so i will be able to make all these blocks and tops into quilts!

yesterday i couldn't resist the amazing spring weather, and i took mia and noah to disney sea for the afternoon. i haven't let myself do that since i started having contractions 7 weeks ago, because of the walking it requires. we had a great time, and i haven't gone into labor yet.

tonight brock stopped at the temple after work, so i took all four kids to ikspiari for afternoon shopping and evening dinner. it feels so good to be getting out again. and it has caused contractions, but not too many.

how old is old?

28 weeks of pregnancy......today i am 28 weeks and 4 days

brock made on post on our family website with this title, "how old is old" a year or two ago, and although it sparked discussion, no consensus was ever reached. so i feel it is still open to debate. i have been thinking about this question more now that i am pregnant. in the u.s. there are so many warnings about the risks of pregnancy at 35 or over. at 36, i find this fairly shocking and uncomfortable. of course i have always heard that risks associated with pregnancy go up after 35, but i definitely don't feel old enough to be in a high risk category based on my age. here in japan, i am not treated as though i am in a high risk group when i go to the doctor. japanese women put off marriage and children longer, and so i am at a very average age to be having a baby here.

i had a very surprising (for me) age based experience a little over two years ago when we were in utah at christmas time. i ran into two high school friends, separately, and both did their best to persuade me that we were old. the first friend was absolutely shocked to hear that i had an 8 month old baby (noah) "at my age". it didn't matter that i hadn't gone through a pregnancy with him, just the fact that i had a baby was almost too much for her. she has four children, and the youngest was 6 years old at the time. the second friend was unexpectedly pregnant, and due in just a few weeks. she still wasn't reconciled to the fact that she was going to have another baby "at her age". she had three children and the youngest was 10. i was shocked that they were shocked. i had already been thinking about the diversity in childbearing ages. i have friends who have finished up their families of six children in their early thirties, and i have friends who have just been starting their families at the same age. and i have lots of friends in each category, and lots of friends in all situations in-between. i'll admit that it's an adventure to have teenagers and babies at the same time - a topic i plan to post about. but is there a right age to have a baby, or an age that is officially the cut-off for being too old? probably there is a cut off age, but i believe it may be different for each person, and i don't think it is 36, and certainly not 34, as my high school friends seemed to think. in any case, i don't want to feel "too old". so maybe i am living in denial of reality, but i would like to stay in denial, where i am, feeling young, not old. not that there is anything wrong with old, but it's not where i want to be in my mind.

today i had my 5th check up and ultrasound. i had a new doctor this time, and he suddenly switched to 3-D mode, and took some pics of baby's face. so fun! i didn't realize they had that capability at their office - wish they would have done it before!......so here are baby's face and hands. 

i also got the good news that all of my contractions haven't caused anything to happen. so with that news, and the fact that i am into the third trimester, i feel a lot safer, and have more peace of mind.

here are a few facts about how having a baby in japan is different than in the us.

we need to put down a $2000 deposit at the clinic to make a reservation to give birth.

women are not supposed to gain any more than 7 kilograms (17 to 18 pounds) during pregnancy - i have already gained 8, but they are nicer to me because i am american. they are very hard on the poor japanese women.

we need to let them know ahead of time if we definitely want an epidural, so they can have someone ready around my due date. most doctors don't offer an epidural. i don't want one, but i haven't ever wanted one, and yet gratefully ended up with them after very long labors.

they don't have any good prenatal multi-vitamin supplements. this, coupled with the weight gain restrictions concerns me.

on the positive side....

ultra sounds with every check up - yay!

my clinic has a free-style labor and delivery room with a birthing ball and other cool features i plan to use.

they also give hour long therapeutic massages the day after giving birth.

....whew, long post, sorry.