it was a full day. lexi went to early church because baccalaureate conflicted with our church meetings. we went to the first half of sacrament meeting (where noah waxed wise - see previous post), then baccalaureate. afterwards, i ran back to relief society, and lexi suprsied me by joining me a few moments later (she had already sat through 3 hours of church, rehearsals, and then baccalaureate. and then she and tashi stayed at church for a sunday evening discussion with susan easton black. they zipped home for a bite to eat, and then back to seminary graduation.
lex gave the opening prayer at seminary graduation, and both she and tashi recieived highest honors and "lettered" in seminary - this involves 90% attendance (at 6 a.m.), 200 days minimum of daily scripture reading, memorizing all the scripture mastery scriptures, and memorizing more like the first presidency and quorum of the twelve in order.
it hit me as we sat there, what amazing girls i have, and how incredibly grateful i am. we don't get up in the morning until after they have left for seminary (so grateful they can drive). they do this all by themselves. and i give them very little credit for it. they amaze me.
next sunday lexi will graduate. and next year at this time we will do it all again with tashi. so many thoughts and emotions (mainly denial), but sotly too busy to stop and think or feel them...... i somehow missed the memo about how incredibly busy you life is with a graduation senior.
11 years ago, when lex and tash were 7 and 6, i was going through a rough patch. i found myself a very young stay at home mom, with both kids in school all day in japan. and a hoped for pregnancy hadn't happened. i missed my girls everyday, although i enjoyed my alone time (and got so much done!) everyone told me how lucky i was and to enjoy my time. and it was exciting to get to do all the things i hadn't been able to do since becoming a mother: to work out for an hour everyday, to take the train and meet brock near his work for lunch, to study japanese in depth, to go to the temple at least twice a month, etc, etc,. but i discovered that as wonderful as those things were, they weren't anywhere nearly as fulfilling as being a mother, and i was panicked about what would happen when my girls actually left home. the thought was too much to bear. i asked a friend who has seven children, and whose oldest was a senior, and youngest were twins that were tashi's age at the time, how it felt for her to be losing her oldest. she smiled and said that it was difficult, but that teenageers had a way of preparing you for their departure.
i do understand her feelings now. i can see that lexi is ready to go, and i am excited to see her spread her wings and fly. but i'm sure that sorrow will hit me when she is gone. i'm so grateful for the younger children that finally joined our family. because i would be falling apart right now, if they weren't here with us.... if tashi would leave next year, and that would be it. of course i would be in better shape (more time to exercise and eat right), i would be more sane, i would be more accomplished, more relaxed, and have a MUCH cleaner house. but i wouldn't take any of those things if i had to give up my children to get them.
i do love being a mother.
tonight i did a truly wondrous thing. i was able to participate in the chorus in our community performance of handel's messiah. i am not a singer, not by any stretch. in fact, when i took chorus in high school, (be warned that this is a pathetic and painfully true story) in an attempt to become a better singer, the teacher assigned a friend to sing into my ear, and then eventually gave up and assigned me to be the pianist. most of my attempts to sing, even in a chorus, have been simply an exercise in frustration. but my parents have been participating in the annual presentation of the messiah at christmastime for about 30 years, and it has become part of me. i thrill at the complexity of the music and the beauty and deep meaning of the scriptural passages. brock and i own several recordings of the messiah and it is beautiful, precious, and sacred to me. to my delight, the music flowed joyfully through me tonight and it didn't feel strained at all, but easy and graceful. i absolutely love this miraculous music, written in a mere 24 days, and felt tearful as i thought about the meaning of the scriptural passages that i was singing. although our community is small, they manage to pull together a sizable chorus and orchestra each year, with the support of other nearby communities. i can accompany a choir singing on the piano without a great deal of effort (thanks to my high school music teacher, and numerous church callings), but although i have tried to learn the messiah accompaniment, i have been unsuccessful, and stand in awe of those who can play it. i love my saviour, and am grateful for beautiful music that praises him, and my opportunity to participate in it. it was made more meaningful by lexi and tashi singing too. 
brock wanted to participate, but someone had to watch the three little ones, and he volunteered. next year, his turn to sing.
![]( <a href="http://mormon.org/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee180/juliewuliee/1-1.jpg"/></a>){kind=link}