Hearts Full of Joy

japanese festival

two years ago brock & i had the good fortune to stumble upon the japanese festival at the missouri botanical gardens in st. louis. we were on a labor day weekend get-away for our 20th anniversary. we felt that it would be a wonderful experience for our japanese children, who are being rasied away from japan, and for our caucasian children who were raised in japan, almost as japanese. so last year we took the four kids that were at home to the festival, and it is now a family favorite, that we look forward to all year.

unagi (eel) sushi and yaki soba

little one was chosen to assist in a show. he turned a origami frog into a plastic frog. this show was adorable.

water balloon yo-yo and ramiune soda - a must for any japanese festival.

face painting - "shinkansen" (bullet train) and "mia" (beautiful asia)

little man volunteered to go on stage at the sumo exhibition, and was chosen from a huge group of kids. what he didn't know was that he would be wrestling a real osumosan. he admitted later to being terrified, but he didn't show it. this was a highlight that we'll always treasure.

he did push the sumo wretler out of the ring at the end, with lots of cooperation from mr. sumo.

i heart japan

so much has happened, so much to blog about, so much to say that will go unsaid.

 
::girl's day photos mostly taken by tashi & mia

at the end of february, we set up our hina matsuri (girl's day) set for the first time in about 6 years. the length of time is mostly due to noah's little fingers, and, we accidentally left it in utah when we moved. it took some time and planning to get it here with us.

this is a vintage set of the japanese imperial court that was given to us by a friend of a friend whose daughters were grown and didn't want it any more. we were thrilled to receive it.

it was such a delight to have it up that we didn't take it down after girl's day on the 3rd, even though it can supposedly curse your daughters with not being able to get married if you leave it up. we decided we were willing to take the risk...

and then the earthquake hit, and none of us has had the heart to take it down until today. tashi is diligently dis-assembling it now, which is seriously as much work as taking down a christmas tree, or more.

we are different now because of the earthquake, in better ways i believe, and in painful ways.

our last neighborhood in japan, maihama san chome in urayasu city, recieved a lot of damage from the earthquake, but not the tsunami, thankfully.

in the midst of my heartbreak, i prayed to know what i was meant to learn from the experience, and the answer was that we are all connected, much more than we realize. and that what happens to any one of us in this world affects us all, whether we realize it or not. it has been a powerful lesson that was reinforced by my father's passing on april 6th, which i will write about in another post.

this is a photo of our neighborhood near the home we lived in for 4.5 years. i took it from the urayasu city home page (click for link)

we are grateful the damage here wasn't worse, and our hearts break for the greater devastation and loss farther north.

a list of facebook posts i made during the first week or two:

March 11 ~ I couldn't sleep last night, and kept thinking about our friends in Japan. I didn't know why. It wasn't until this morning that we heard about the earthquake. It's been an emotional morning at our house.
The same thing happened with 9/11 when we were in Japan. I couldn't sleep all night and had images of devastation in New York. In the morning we got the news.

March 13 ~ Hoping to feel more peace about Japan, but the pain just grows....
"Death toll likely to top 10,000 in Japan"
I think I've been in shock for 2 days, and now I'm coming out of it.
Shock was less painful.

March 14 ~ The islands of Japan have shifted 8 feet.
The axis of the earth has moved 10 cm.
The world is different than it was before.

March 16 ~ I have no fears for Japan as a nation. They will move forward in positive ways and continue to amaze and inspire us all.
It 's the horrific amount of personal/family tragedy that has me overwhelmed.

Things I have learned from the earthquake & its effects so far:
1. I love the people of Japan even more than I realized was possible.
2. We are all much more connected that we imagine.
3. Because we are connected, what happens to any one person in this world affects each of us, whether we realize it or not.

Gracie is playing with the "Sylvanian Families" sets we brought back from Japan, like she does most mornings while I work. She is setting up the little school with all the little Japanese school accessories at my feet, just like the schools where Lexi, Tashi, & Mia went, and just like the schools that were hit by Tsuanami. Everywhere I turn, I have reminders. Our big "Girl's Day" set (of the Japanese Imperial court) is still up, taking up much of our living room like a Christmas tree would, and none of us have the heart to take it down, but don't have the heart to look at it either. Mia is having trouble breathing (anxiety), and I occasionally am too. I don't want to eat. Noah is worried about his birth mother....all of this, and we aren't even in Japan, we are safe and sound here.... I almost feel guilty to be having this hard of a time when others are suffering so, and we are so blessed. But I don't feel blessed. I feel their pain. I know the Lord is in charge and has a plan. But it still hurts tremendously.

 

Inconceivable....this was a city that had made extensive tsunami preparations. The entire city is gone. The tsunami engulfed 4 story buildings. Tsunami shelters built high on the mountain are gone.

Japan tsunami: Nothing to do but run

 

March 17 ~ Deeply touching and inspiring

Japan tsunami: Fukushima Fifty 'on suicide mission' to battle nuclear meltdown

www.dailymail.co.uk

homes burn while they drift at sea

Photos: Earthquake rocks Japan

www.cnn.com

March 18 ~ Kamaishi, Higashimatsushima, Iwaki, Iwanuma, Natori, Hitachinaka, Soma, Hishonomaki, Tagajo, Itsuchi, Ofunato, Ishinomaki, Rikuzentakata, Otsuchi, Onogawa, Kesennuma, Minamisanriku, Miyako, Sendai......and on, and on, and on. Each a city with horrific tales of devastation, many of them completely gone. Many are being referred to as "villages", but a city of 20,000 is not a village in my mind. Over a week later, the extent of the horror, the number of the cities affected, is still not known.

World Blog - In Japan, the Mormon network gathers the flock

worldblog.msnbc.msn.com

March 20 ~ I have counted at least 20 cities (a city of 15 to 20,000 is not a village in my mind) in northern Japan that have been mostly or completely washed away by tsunami, and that is only what I have heard/read about. What is the actual count?

 

today this new fabirc print, "girls day" by michael miller, arrived for our shop:

little guy ties

i love to sew for my kids, and i can dream up endless opporutnites to sew for my girls, but very few for my little boy, especially as he gets older. one little man can only wear so many different pairs of pajamas. so i was delighted to find this pattern for "little guy ties" by "my little londyn". i easgerly started sewing them, and couldn't stop. my little guy is not the proud owner of 4 little ties, his dad has a matching tie, and we've also made one for a friend. i keep thinking of new fabrics that would be perfect to use.

his old ties were stained and snagged. i love that these are more washable and un-snag-able.

i thought he would like thing 1 & thing 2 the best, as they fit his personality so well, but excitedly picked out a print called "japanese words"

as his favorite. i asked him why he liked it...."i like the way i feel when i look at it". (he is japanese).

 

shiki

 

i love this fabric collection by kumiko sudo for "in the beginning" fabrics. shiki is "four seasons" in japanese. a good reminder that winter won't be eternal. i can't wait to start sewing cute summer dresses and pj's for my little girls (especially mia) from this fabric.

 

a kimono dress like this one by emaleighscupboard on etsy would be so fun in this fabric.

christmas cozies

always in search of fun projects for our hand made (or written, or second hand) christmas, i am looking for cozy pajama projects to use with this selection of flannels from my shop:

 

i love vintage, and feel blessed because that's just about all that's available in pajama patterns now. i'm considering some of these options i found on etsy for my littlest girls:

 

it would be so fun to live closer to my mom (for many reasons! including:) so that i could raid her vintage pattern stash for the perfect nightgown, like i did for easter dresses in 2008. 

i love this idea for little man,

but i'll use my own jenbei pattern i bought in japan to make summer jammies for my little japanese babes.

cold lunch

we made the big move to sack lunches this school year. the price of lunches for 4 children who don't like the lunches (the food is not our favorite part of life in the midwest) and so don't eat much of what we pay for was very unappealing. still, i hesitated. adding one more thing to our ever chaotic morning schedule, always needing to be stocked with yummy lunch ingredients, etc, etc - seemed crazy. i believe that i have post-traumatic stress syndrome from making lunches for yochien (kindergarten) in japan - must always have a meat, vegetable, and grain. no yogurt. no peanut butter. no jelly. weiners (more healthy than peanut butter???) must be cut and fried to look like little octopi (octopuses) with seaweed neckties....i could go on. trauma. especially during early pregnancy.

pleasantly surprised! i've enjoyed our lunches and so have the kids. i feel like i'm sending them a little love from home to enjoy halfway through their day. at least for the little ones. i confess i'm not up and making lunches before early morning seminary. (if i was japanese i would - it is normal for a mother to be up at 5:00 am to prepare gourmet breakfasts and lunches for a family) but the girls have done great with it on their own. and i'm enjoying the challenge of composing healthy, yet yummy mobile meals.

mia reports that at school, lunch brought from home is "cold lunch" and she has to tell her teacher every day that she is eating "cold". doesn't that seem a little....well, cold? hopefully it doesn't feel that way to her.

the lunch in the above photo is made from felt and is from a very fun etsy shop, buggabugs. if you're feeling crafty, (or have committed to have a handmade christmas like me) hop over and buy a pattern to make your own.

"japan is one parent, and america the other parent"

brock is in japan on this 4th of july. this is the 20th 4th of july of our marriage, and for at least 13 of those, one or both of us has been in japan....a strange tradition for an american holiday. i woke up to pouring rain, and thought - no! not on the 4th of july! but a more comforting thought followed - little man's t-ball game will be cancelled, and the older girls and i won't have to juggle the question of who will watch the shop, who will work the t-ball concession stand, and who will watch the game and the little ones.

baby man sleeping in his jinbei on my 4th of july pillow (see it in the previous post), 4 july's ago in maihama.

when brock is in japan, we all wax more nostalgic for everything japanese. impossible to believe it's been over 2 years now since we left, and i have found myself wondering this week for the first time since that move, if and when we will ever move back again. last night i was up late talking with my oldest girls (who spent the vast majority of their lives in japan - all of our children have, except grace). tashi was saying how she hated it when people asked her which she liked better, japan or the u.s.... so of course i had to ask....i had to know! she gave me an icy look. but eventually admitted that she didn't know which she liked better.....she liked both countries in different ways. we all agreed. then lexi asked if i had read her facebook status from a few days ago. i hadn't. i am not making time for facebook of late. she asked me to come over to the computer and read it. too tired, i asked her to read it aloud. no! that would be weird!.... according to her.  eventually i  made my way to the computer on my way to bed, and this is what i read:

"Japan is one parent, and America the other parent for me. So I hate it when people ask me which one I like better, because that's like asking me which parent I like better. Both are part of who I am. So being away from Japan this long...it feels like I'm missing a parent. And it makes it 100 times worse when my dad IS actually in Japan for 10 days right now. I wish I could combine the 2 countries together sometimes."

....after posting this, it occurred to me how this statement much, much truer for our japanese children.....

miss mia, that same july, 4 years ago....notice lexi's lexi's sequined, high heeled flip flops on mia's feet - just as japanese as her yukata and her sweet little face.

fitness, reading, summer thoughts, remembering japan

my enduring favorite workout for the last 11 years:

life is so much better when i do my yoga every day.

recently finished reading:

a good read - insightful, well written, based on newly discovered letters & manuscripts. a little sad, but not overpoweringly so. makes one wonder what it was like for abraham to be married to her.

currently reading:

picked this up in hannibal, MO when i was there with mom & traci. promises to be good.

speaking of lincoln, we were treated to a sunday sociable on "lincoln in hancock county" by a research historian at the lincoln library in springfield, IL (one of my favorite places, and an added benefit of living here). it was very good. tourist season is here, and we have gone from living in a near ghost town to a summer resort. the perks are back, like the ahuna family polynesian dancers last night for family home evening. a family of 6 children, their 4 spouses, and 7 grandchildren. the fire dance was very impressive. even more impressive was the number of missions served, two law degrees, and dental school (and they can stil dance). even more impressive was that the grandma sat with the 7 grandchildren, ages 6 weeks to 4, and they were perfectly behaved, not a peep, not a cry, no problems whatsoever. if only my 5 & 8 year olds could be so well behaved, and my 2 year old....*sigh*

humidity is back (and fireflies too), and i love it. it feels life-giving and nurturing to me. it floods me with memories of summers in japan, and makes me want to go here:

tokyo disney sea resort, walking distance from our home in maihama (along with tokyo disneyland), and where we spent every minute that we could during our last summer in japan. noah has stopped asking almost daily when we are going to disney sea, but my heart still yearns for it on warm humid days. do i sound spoiled & bratty? let me just add that life as a foreign family in japan was a daily challenge (all 12 years of it - we loved it, but it wasn't ever remotely easy), and disney sea was a soothing balm. i am not a huge disney fan. but i do love disney sea: the one disney theme park designed for adults, lots of ambiance, and plenty of fun for the kids too.

noah is a just two months older in these photos than gracie is now ~ *sigh* again - how have three years gone by in a blink?

no problems growing hair for him :)

today is the last full day of school. summer vacation keeps sneaking up on me here in the u.s. we're used to six weeks of summer vacation from july 20th to sept 1st.

another note on humidity: many friends from the western u.s. are of the opinion that nauvoo is the most humid place on earth - impossible for anywhere to be more humid....it's not. every june in tokyo when the serious humidity arrived, (we never had central air conditioning) i would  wonder if it were possible to drown or suffocate from humidity, because it felt like a serious possibility.

little graduate

noah is a preschool graduate. his graduation was so adorable. they sang a song about a rainbow world, with lots of different kinds of people, as they waved their rainbow streamers, and he was the only ethnic child out of 35. he was also singing the loudest. so cute! we have adored preschool this year. noah has loved every minute of it, and was so disappointed when he was too sick to go, or school was cancelled. he has really blossomed during the year and moved from being a little behind, to a little ahead. and it was almost too good to be true to have the bus pick him up and drop him off in our front yard every day.

it is bitter-sweet that he will be miving on to all day kindergarten at the end of the summer. I have enjoyed my mornings with my little man. i enjoy having my children home, and don't like letting them go. although i do enjoy quiet alone time. gracie will be incharge of filling up my mornings next year.

shingo

we have been treated to a 5 day visit by one of our most favorite of people in the world, shingo.

the first time i saw shingo, he was a missionary, singing a musical number in church with a large group of young missionaries. when i saw him, i knew that our plans to move back to the u.s. after receiving mia's visa from the u.s. government needed to change. the spirit told me strongly that i had a son like shingo coming, and i needed to stay in japan and find him. it was an overwhelming experience, unlike any i had ever had, and it changed everything. shingo was serving as a missionary in the ward that shared our building, and so we had the opportunity to get to know him. he loved mia, who was 17 months old, and we discovered that his family was best friends with dr. samejima's family (the doctor who gave us mia). shingo had left medical school to serve his mission and planned to work with dr. samejima after he graduated (medical school begins right after high school in japan).

after this experience, and a few others i won't take the space to list, we called dr. samejima, and although we felt tremendously selfish and brazen in asking for another baby when so many other families were waiting, we found the courage to say that if he ever had a baby that he couldn't place for any reason (racial mix, handicaps, etc) to please let us know. he laughed and said there was another baby for us, a boy, and he would find him.

if we were to adopt again, and pass the u.s. home studies required, we needed to move out of our one bedroom home in tokyo. we felt guided to move to maihama, just outside of tokyo, and walking distance from tokyo disneyland and disney sea. and we did so about a month and a half after meeting shingo. and to our surprise, in our new japanese ward (we had spent the last 7 1/2 years in an english ward), we met shingo's family who lived just blocks away from our new home. we loved them immediately.

there is so much i could write, but to keep it simpler, 18 months after meeting shingo, i received a phone call that woke me early on a sunday morning. brock was gone, already at early church meetings. dr. smaejima's voice said "omedeto" (congratulations), "i've found your baby". it was march 7, 2004, the day of shingo's mission homecoming. we celebrated that day for two joyful reasons. and at shingo's openhouse that evening, sister samejima met with us and told us all about noah's birth mother. in april shingo went back to medical school and noah was born. these two (noah & shingo) are intricately tied together, and although i don't completely understand it, i know that it is significant. the spirit tells me so. we've seen very little of shingo since, as his medical school was in tokushima, shikoku, far away from tokyo...and nauvoo. i was thrilled to answer the phone in early december and hear shingo's voice. he would be graduating from med school in march, and would like to come and visit us then. we've been eagerly anticipating his visit, and it was even more enjoyable than hoped. he is amazing, and brought a wonderful spirit to our home. we hope that noah will be as much like him (as the spirit whispered to me) as possible....they look remarkably alike.

noah following where shingo leads....

it was a painful farewell when we put shingo on the train back to chicago. but he promises to visit before too long with his "new family" (the family he plans to have). we'll be waiting.

saturday we realized that it was the 5 year aniversary of the day of shingo's homecoming, and we were all together again.

update....shingo's dad just sent me this link.   (shingo flew to utah from chicago to visit his mission president, mission companions, and the university of utah med school)