...23 weeks of pregnancy
it's been over 14 years since i have given birth. 14 years and 5 days, to be exact. what a beautiful day that was.......now i am 23 weeks and 3 days into this long awaited pregnancy. if this baby is full term, it will be born 14 years and 4 months after natasha. when i was giving birth to natasha, at that very moment, i felt the strong impression that i should savor that moment, because it wouldnt' come again for a long time. "wow", i thought, "a long time.....". to my 22 year old mind, "a long time" meant something like 5 years, which seemed right because we realized at that point that waiting for aobut 4 or 5 years would be a good idea. my two pregnancies, 16 months apart, with plenty of complications, had taken a toll on my health. now, 14 years and 2 miraculous adoptions later, i know what "a long time" meant. i'm glad i didn't know then. it would have been too, too hard to wait. i have always felt that this pregnancy would come, and yet late last september, when i started to suspect, and into early october when i finally got up enough courage to take a test (so scarey after so many negatives over the years), it didn't seem that it coudl possibly be true. as i held the positive test in my shaking hand, i kept checking and re-checking the japanese words and pictures on the box it had come in, thinking i must be reading it wrong. but the 4 ensuing months and 2 ultrasounds have confirmed that it was correct. how does it feel to be pregnant after all this time? wonderful and unbelievable. this baby is a wiggly one. it is hard to recall all the details of my previous pregnancies. but i do remember that alexa almost never moved, only after i threw up, which i did thorughout her pregnancy, and she didn't like it (either did i). she must have been saving up all her energies for her arrival on the outside, after which she never stopped moving. natasha was much more active, which concerned me. if lexi, who never moved during pregnancy, was such an acitve baby and toddler - more so than all the baby boys i knew - then what would this more active pregnancy produce? but natasha was a very calm baby. apparantly she got it all out of her system before birth. so what about this baby, who seems much more active than even natasha? we were told that noah was very, very active during pregnancy. is this another noah??? are we up for that challenge? but it is wonderful to feel this baby move..... wonderful, magical, and mysterious. so hard to believe that a baby nearly 12 inches long is actually inside of me, wiggling around - a baby that would actually have a chance of survival if it were born today. I have been having contractions for a week and a half, but with all o fmy threats of premature delivery with lexi and tashi, they were full term. that is comforting. meanwhile, i try to remember to take time every day to just be still and enjoy being pregnant, and to allow my heart to be filled with gratitude for the miracle.